Day 11: Conflict, It's About Time!

Today's vegan bites include:

1.) Intelligentsia Soy Mocha

2.) Julius Meinl Double-Shot Soy Mocha

3.) Miso soup, seaweed salad (2), agedashi tofu, shishito peppers, chardonnay (2 glasses)

(119.8lbs & 22.6%)

I started my day early and spent most of it working outside of my home. I drank way too much coffee and coffee is an appetite-suppressant for me so I wasn't ever really hungry even though I had NOTHING to eat.

Not good.

When I met my friend for dinner at 6pm, I ate, even though I wasn't hungry. What I wanted more than anything was a glass of wine. I hadn't seen my friend since I started the pledge because she's been out of town. She's been very, very supportive and has even reduced her own consumption of meat.

She is so the person who'll support me on every aspect of the new lifestyle, find recipes for me, go to the grocery store together, she even accompanied me to the animal sanctuary. To help me with my transition, she would love to explore a vegan/vegetarian spot with me and try out new entrees together. Tonight, she suggested a sushi restaurant and I agreed to meet her there. Well, you can imagine how bad she felt when she realized that I'm not eating fish and the non-seafood/meat options were extremely limited. I kept emphasizing that I'll be fine and that it's important for me to learn what my options are at all types of restaurants, particularly since, chances are, when I go out to eat with friends we will NOT be going to a vegan restaurant.

It's so important to me that the choices I make for myself don't negatively impact my friends and loved ones. I had another friend tell me that she was very disappointed in me for taking the vegan pledge. We were foodies and we were foodies together and a lot of the fun we had centered around exploring new restaurants. She felt my vegan pledge would limit our "fun" and that we couldn't really hang out with each other, at least, not the way we used to.

So tonight, when my friend was feeling really bad for picking a sushi restaurant, I started to feel bad. She wouldn't feel bad if I would just eat fish already and so I felt bad..like if it weren't for my vegan choices, my friend wouldn't be feeling bad right now. Instead, we would be going to town on uni and amaebi and hamachi and toro and all sorts of crazy rolls and drinking glass of wine after glass of wine like we always did.

She just wanted to make sure I was okay and happy and that I don't feel bad because she knows how much of a sushi fiend and snob I've been. If anything, to her, we should've picked a place that would better help me transition into my new vegan lifestyle rather than put me right in the middle of my biggest temptation and what I told her would be my most missed item, sushi. She kept asking me if I was okay over and over even when I kept reassuring her I was fine.

"Are you sure? Are you sure? We can go somewhere else. I'm sure there are a ton of places around here where you can eat."

"I'm fine, really, I am. We're friends enough where I would tell you if I had a problem being here. But I'm fine. I'm not even hungry. But I have to eat. I should eat. I'll hold off on the wine then, so I can save my stomach space for food."

She thought my behaviour was a little weird - I didn't eat, I want wine, I don't want wine, I have to eat, I need to save my stomach space for food. The whole thing was just so weird to her and she wanted to know what was going on.

I calmly reminded her that I really, really am fine, what more do you want from me and at this point, as far as I can tell, she's the one having the problem with everything.

That did not go well.

I just want everyone to know that I am fine. I am happy. I am enjoying myself. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be doing this. It's pointless wasting time and life on things that don't put you in a space of happiness or joy. On a me level, I'm fine. And if I wasn't fine, if I'm at a place that I feel is really challenging my choice, if I'm at a place that I'm not having fun at, I WILL say something. I will not pretend that I'm having a great time. And I will ask that we select another venue or I will excuse myself for a moment to find something that better suits me and then return after I've eaten something. And when I return, I will enjoy a cup of tea or a glass of wine with the crew.

What I'm not fine about, what makes me unhappy, is when people feel they have to do something different for me. I'm not fine when I feel I make people feel "weird" around me because I won't eat meat. That's what I'm not fine about. Bottom line is, we're all grown ups so I shouldn't worry about how I make them feel and they shouldn't worry about how I feel. We need to trust that the other is fine unless they say otherwise.

And I'm still a foodie. I just don't want to eat animal products. And since I'm only 11 days into this, I haven't been exposed to all the creative, delightful, inventive vegan possibilities that I know are out there.

So finally, I ran into a challenge!! ("Yay!!") I ran into an "uncomfortable moment." ("Yippee!!") And all it really is is that I have amazing friends who care about me so much and only want me to be happy. While, in turn, I want my friends to be happy and not worry about me and have a good time and not have my choices effect them. So now, when I really look at it, tonight's "challenge" really wasn't about me going vegan but about me and my friends loving and caring about each other so much and only wanting the other person to have the best possible time at all times and be happy. Awwww....I know this sounds cheesy but really, it's the truth. I'm so blessed to have such awesome people in my life.